Edo Van Belkom by Death Drives a Semi (epub)

Author:Death Drives a Semi (epub)
Format: epub
Published: 2024-01-24T00:00:00+00:00

NO KIDS ALLOWED

The silver-haired landlord pulled the key from the lock and pushed the door open. The hinges protested by moaning a crackling, staccato rhythm.

The old man mumbled something about oil, stepped back to let the young couple pass and then followed them inside.

“It’s not in too bad a shape,” he said, closing the door behind him. “Not for what I’m asking, anyway.”

The couple wandered through the two-bedroom apartment, peaking behind corners and looking into shadows as if they expected to find something hidden in the dark that might explain why the rent was so low.

“And the other two apartments on this floor are being used for storage so there’s plenty of privacy.”

The couple nodded politely, but neither said a word.

“Of course, if you do decide to take it, I’ll patch up some of the holes in the walls, give the place a coat of paint. You know, fix it up a little.”

They stopped in the middle of the living room. The woman, Mary Williams, was in her late twenties, a little bit heavy but neither fat nor unattractive. She stood up straight next to her husband Alex, a six-foot telephone pole of a man with a beard and short-cropped hair, and whispered something in his ear.

The landlord looked up at the ceiling, but his ears strained to hear what she was saying. She whispered too softly for him to decipher her words.

“Uh,” the man said, before pausing to take a breath. “Why are you asking so little for this place? We’ve been looking at apartments for months and we’ve seen a lot worse than this for a lot more money. What’s the catch?”

The old man took a roll of Certs from his pocket and popped one into his mouth. “There’s no catch. I know I could get a lot more for this place than I’m asking. Don’t think I don’t know what this place is worth, because I do — I look through the classifieds, you know.” He puckered his lips and sucked on his breathmint. “It’s just that I’ve got one firm rule with my tenants. No kids! Period.”

The husband and wife looked at each other, relieved.

“I don’t care if you keep cats or dogs, sheep or donkeys. As long as your neighbors don’t complain about them, I couldn’t care less. But I simply will not allow children to set foot in this building. Personally, I like kids. But the snot-nosed little bastards like to write on walls, throw rocks through windows, scratch cars in the parking lot — and that’s the ones that are behaved. The other ones pee in the stairwells and drop things from balconies onto people on the sidewalks.” The old man looked to the floor and shook his head in disgust.

“That’s terrible,” the woman said.

The old man’s head stopped shaking. He raised it slowly, lifting his eyes to look up at the couple. “You don’t happen to have children, do you?”

“No, I’m afraid not. My husband and I are unable to have children,” the woman said, putting an arm around her man and pulling him close.

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